Monday, October 26, 2009


Sunshine, you've come into my life at the right time.
Your warmth courses throughout my body
you touch my soul with your words and fill my heart with so much happiness
I never thought I could feel this way
you always know the right words to say
to make all my sadness go away
I think God made you just for me
to always shine light in my darkness
so i can see
Giving me strength when I am weak
Holding me close when life seems bleak
O sunshine, please keep shining on me
you are the center of my small world
your a daily inspiration for me to be my best
unlike the rest, you always supporting me
however long my time on this earth may be
Know this my
sunshine, i will love you constantly

Friday, October 16, 2009

Leave Me Alone....

Do you think its possible to be in love with two people at the same time? I don't. I believe it is definitely possible to love two people at the same time, but you can only be IN love with one person at a time. So if you find yourself in that situation, you are probably aware of who each person is whether your willing to admit it or not.
Currently, I have no idea who I am in that category. I am loved. But I don't know if anyone is in love with me.

Time will tell. People change. Rain falls. Sun shines. Life goes on.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Finding Balance

I feel like my moods have been fluctuating dramatically lately. One day I will feel completely upbeat and happy then literally the following day I will feel the complete opposite. I don't know why that is as far as I know I have no medical reason to be feeling this way. I personally think my problem is that I think way too much about things and let myself dwell on the things in my life I can't do anything to change.
I worry a lot. About everyone. Friends, family, random strangers. and I find myself being morbid. Thinking about death and how much time I have left on the earth. I know that is a part of life but I know its not something you should sit and dwell on either. So I have been trying to find some type of balance. That way I can deal better with my topsy turvy emotional rollercoaster and not be so blah some days. I know my moods effect the people around me as well as my goals I set for myself that day.
I am trying to be more positive and instead of concentrating so hard on the future and things I can't change immediately. I am taking it day by day, setting daily goals for myself. And when I accomplish them I feel a lot better about myself. I feel empowered and strong. I know I am capable of anything. I just need to keep thinking that way and I will be successful.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


I am going to reflect on my weekend. My old best friend from Hagerstown came to visit me. At first, I was kind of dreading her visit because we haven't really hung out in a long time. And have drifted apart. I mean we are living completely different lives. She is married and has one child while I am single and still act like a child (lol). But I realize that although her life is different, we still have some of the same insecurities and fears about life. It was refreshing to spend time with someone who i thought had changed so much to only see that things were still somewhat the same.

This has shown me no matter how much time, distance, life experience has passed by. People are still the same at the core. I mean you age and you go through tough times but your essence is still intact. Ha ha I am not sure that makes sense. It does to me though.

Well I had a pretty good weeekend. It was the first time in a long time, I didnt worry about anything or anyone. I put my issues and dramas aside and had a relaxing time. It was great.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Scattered Thoughts

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought? You know that your searching for something but it's like you just can't figure it out. I know its there but I just can't reach it yet. And you know how something makes perfect sense to you but to someone else it makes no sense at all....Yeah that's where I'm at right now, still at the drawing board.

My imperfections are so clear to me. Sometimes I wonder if it is that clear for others to see. I know that God made me. But for what purpose? I ask myself that question a lot lately. Spend hours upon hours thinking of reasons why. I can never find one to my satisfaction. I know I can make it to success. Sometimes it seems so difficult and unattainable. I refuse to fail but failure may be in my nature. How can you change something your not sure you are? That doesn't make sense to even me. So I know you don't understand my complexity. I am speaking in rhyme and yet I am not. Someone please save me.

Friday, October 2, 2009


I love my family, they are the most random group of people to be put together on this planet. But I am blessed to be apart of this group of people. I feel so defined by them, it is crazy. Everything I have ever done, I have done in the shadow of my family. I am not going to say that I always did things they were proud of but who ever does?
I know one thing for sure that I would die for any member of my family. I would give my all to them. I would never take them forgranted or forsake them. My love for them is one of the only things in my life that I feel is sacred and pure.

Time to switch it Up

I have noticed actually just today that all my blogs..well not all but most of my blogs have been emotionally geared towards one sucky love life. So I feel the need to discuss something other than love. Well, I have started on the path to re-enter school and hopefully in a few short months, I will be back in the classroom(behind the computer more like it). I know this isn't really a big deal because people do it everyday. But it is to me, I've been running for God knows what for the past three years and I just need to stand on solid ground for once. I've done a lot of things I regret to get to where I am today. Trust me I am not too happy where I am at all. The funny thing is I know I am capable of so many great things. I am not stupid in any way and I have opportunities. I just need to try and I haven't been. I can't even admit that to my parents but I am writing a blog for anyone to see or read. *Sighs*
Well basically what I am trying to say is that there is no time like the present. I am tired of being scared and helpless and allowing others to do for me. I am going to take my place in this terrifyingly big world and try to find who I am and where I belong. I just hope I like the person that I am 'supposed' to be. Anyone is better that what I have grown to be and I need change. That's 2009 is supposed to be all about Change. My girlfriend constantly says, 'be the change, you want to see in the world'. I guess I never really thought about it.
I guess all I can say now is wish me luck. I have quite a journey in front of me. I'll see you at the crossroads.

Thursday, October 1, 2009


I am awake at some ridiculous hour. I have so much on my mind right now. I can't even clearly explain it. There is so much I want out of life and I feel like I am not doing anything worthwhile. Why can't life be more like tv or movies? That would be cool or more hard. Who knows? I know one thing for sure, I don't want to look back on my life in ten years and be unhappy with the person who I am. I just want to be content and somewhat satisfied with the things I have accomplished. If that makes any sense, ahh well. I am going to try and sleep. Good night.